Thoughts on Letting Things Die
I’m scared of the changes I need to make. I know that I need to make changes though but which changes are the right ones? How do we know what is best for us? Well, from 48 years of living I know how to make mistakes and I know too I’ve made some good and life-enhancing choices.
Choices are such a problem and a blessing. In the immediate, I’m trying to discern how much I should invest in a new career and how much of my old career, or should I say miserable economic status, I should let go.
I know I’m sick of not enjoying enough the power that money gives us. I really do want more of that power. Not only do I want it, but life has been teaching me how much I need it. I was raised to value living simply; never loving money more than our creative resources in the arts and spiritual values.
But I really am weary of the way the arts have held me down. I’m tired of the way my commitment to the arts and creative love have kept my hands tied in oh so many ways. I just don’t think I can stand it anymore. I can’t afford to live by those ideals anymore. They’re going to be the death of me. Yet, this latest observation creates another death, loss of a lifetime of hope and joy.
It reminds me of when I left the church. We have to give up what we’ve held on to for so long. We have to surrender our worn-out beliefs that are not realistic anymore, though we love them so. It’s a sad thing to have to do and it’s sad to be forced to adjust again what we’ve lived by our whole life.
I know I don’t have to give it up completely but I really think I need to rethink the time and energy I devote to my artistic endeavors. It’s draining me and though I taught my children to “keep the faith,” so to speak, I feel saddened to see that I may have been wrong—at least to some extent. (It may just need a little bit of an adjustment or it may need an overhaul. I don’t know the answer yet to that either.)
But more than having been wrong, which may or may not be exactly true, I feel a great sadness whenever I observe the old possibilities dying or whenever I think that I should have just held on a little bit longer, a little bit harder, had a little bit more faith…. (I don’t even know yet how to explain the feeling of grief it engenders.)
But alas, I don’t think I can hold out any longer.
posted by aWoman'sBlog @ 10:39 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
When one door closes another one opens and you are able to enjoy it all the more because of where you have been. You don't have to rush your change in career, just keep moving forward inch by inch and the change over will happen smoothly, without a sudden jolt.
I'm slooowly working my way toward publication. If it would have happened on my first manuscript I wouldn't have been prepared for the consequences. But I'm doing what it takes to learn the ropes before I take the plunge so I can do it more confidently. I'm still afraid and feel vulnerable but am going ahead with the change in lifestyle when I hear I've made a sale. :D
Believe in yourself and ask God to point you on your way each day to the road he has chosen for you. Soon you'll find it and wonder what all the fuss was about because the new road will be full of smiles. :D
Hugs, JJ
I think patience is the biggest factor, I feel like that too sometimes, but then I just let go and things start to happen.
Thanks for message on jj's blog.
Also thanks for visiting my story blob blog, and I finally figured out how to get my blogroll going, and added your link on the right side, check 'Blogs I Visit'.
Anna :)
jj I added you too, since you too visit my story blob often.
Thanks JJ and anna:
I'm hoping that the door that is opening is one (two, potentially) I'm suppose to be going through because I know that in some ways, I may not have the option to turn around and go back if I don't like what I find.
But this morning as I write, I feel more hopeful about possibilities and options and it doesn't feel so much like a death, as it did yesterday.
I am grateful for options--truly a blessing of being both human but also American. The more global issues I study, the more I recognize how fortunate I am.
So, yes, I am letting go inch by inch and we will see what happens. Patience and not feeling rushed are good things to keep in mind.
Good luck on your manuscript JJ. That sounds exciting. The publishing industry is a tough one but it's often very much worth it. I’m sure we’ll probably talk more about this in the future.
anna, I'll link you when I get back from my running around today (patiently and inch by inch of course:-).
I have a few things to do this morning before I head out so I may have time to stop by your blogs...it depends on some things I have to do this morning on the internet.
Anyway, great to hear from both of you and until next time: peace and joy!
Hi!!! Anna and I are missing you and hope you post soon.
I worked on my ms this morning and it felt good. I've been avoiding it because I also am afraid of the future. But I figure if God gave me the talent I should use it. :D In the Bible it says somewhere that God will give you what you need each day. Think of it as manna. :D
Hugs, JJ
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