Having had so many blogs in the past

I am now scared to blog, scared to be honest on the internet and for good reason but I'm probably more fearful than I should be. Writing has become a problem for me since I started blogging and communicating in online forums. I hate to write now. There has been too much criticism and too many weird things that I've experienced with internet communications.

It almost feels like it is time to quit, that writing has taken its course and it's now finished; the time seems to be coming when writing no longer is what I do. Funny though, I have only six or seven more classes to complete before I earn my bachelor's in journalism. This is not good.

I will finish the courses and see what comes next, I guess. I've started a new career too that is a lot more lucrative. It has nothing at all to do with writing. I think I want money more now than to express myself. I think I'm sick of expressing myself.

But I don't quit just because I don't know how to quit because all my life this has been what I do. This is a strange confusion I feel these days and it does make me terribly unhappy. I wonder how it will all turn out but for now, I will just post this...just for the sake of posting.

Well, here’s an update on my irritable 6 a.m. mood:

I spent the day reading the Barron’s and our local Sunday newspaper. I forgot all about my emotions. I think this is a recipe for success in my case as I teeter on the edge of trying to become a menopausal woman.

It is now eight-and-a-half hours later and I feel fine, which is the case most days once I get things going. Perhaps I should skip my early morning musings from now on.

In short, I am so damn sick of my emotions. I think I should read nonstop and it should probably have nothing whatsoever to do with women’s issues. I should go to school for business or economics to get my head out of my feelings. I am tired of my feelings.