Pushing Myself to Post Daily

I’m thinking about writing my blog for my children. I often visit a women’s issues forum that is very heated and discusses lots of controversial topics related to women. I used to think women were all goddesses. This thinking got me into a few scrapes because I believed women could do no wrong. I’m pushing towards 50 now, though, and instead of just complaining about things all the time, maybe if I try to explain myself a little bit more and explain why I think some of the things I think on this blog, it might be better. But the truth is, even as I begin this free writing stream of consciousness (or unconsciousness as the case is), I don’t know what to say, so instead, maybe I’ll just open my daughter’s email and forget it for now. LOL!

Sometimes I’m so stupid. I had thoughts before I sat down to type but they’ve all disappeared now that I’m trying to write about them. Arrgh. Writing used to be my way through thinking but everything has changed in these last two years. I don’t really know why everything has changed except that my youngest child turned 18 two years ago (nearly three now as she’ll be 21 in less than one month). It’s strange how I can encourage younger women on the women’s issues forum but these days, blogging is just not compelling me to put it out there. But my youngest daughter has my blog URL and I’m trying to write something--partially for her--as I’ve nearly given up on the blogoshpere. Maybe I can go to the women’s issues forum to remember. Maybe I just don’t know what to do with my blog these days. So many of them have seemed like such a waste of time. I’ve started many different blogs. I feel a little crazy about all of this. Why do I need to leave so many blogs behind? What is it? Am I scared to say what I know? Am I scared to sound stupid?

The women’s issues forum surely has the capacity to make me feel stupid but recently, I think we’ve tamed the angry voices there. Some are angry male voices and some are hateful women’s voices. Yes, men are allowed there but are asked to respect that it’s a women-centric space. That is difficult to achieve, to say the least. I swear men are so angry but then again, they’ve always been. It’s not what we do that makes them angry. I know that now. I used to bend over backwards and it never made a dit of difference. The thing is, I am with a good guy these days and he doesn’t get angry at me the way men used to get angry at me. I don’t think it’s because I’ve learned to behave, either.

Maybe I’ll post this senseless rant just to keep getting used to not worrying about writing stupid things. I used to write political commentary, primarily. That’s probably why trying to write a woman’s blog is difficult for me, so post it I will, just to push myself in one area today--for the sake of pushing.