An Unusual Pilgrim’s Progress

Wow! I can not believe how much I did not know about money and what it really means to our society and to all societies and to me and I can not believe how much I have learned, just in this short period of time.

I also can not believe why or how Jack thinks I’m intelligent, now that I’m learning what he has known all along. Sometimes I think he was just kidding about loving me. I know he’s not and I know he values greatly my other type of intelligence, but geeesh!

Sometimes, it must take him all his strength to resist shaking his head when it comes to the way I have acted regarding money, and all my attendant anxieties surrounding money. I surely have only seen the tip of the iceberg but already I can feel that horrible fear I always have—every time a bill comes in the mail, even though I have plenty of money to pay the bill—begin to fade.

It is actually joy to begin to see how I can finally free myself from this tremendous fear that has gripped me my entire life. It is surprising to recognize the level of disdain I’ve had for money and its management and for no apparent reason, now that I am starting to replace all those demons with simple and realistic facts and information.

A burden is lifting off my shoulders, a burden I have been carrying unaware for a long long time. It reminds me of Pilgrim’s Progress, which I read years and years ago and which is one of Mark’s (my second son) favorite story. The main character in the story lugs around a terribly gigantic pack weighing down his back for years and years without recognizing that he doesn’t need to carry this load.

Of course, that story is about finding God so who would have thought this burden on my back could be analogous to a story about finding God and salvation? And the funny thing is that it has nothing to do with the stock trading or increasing my capital as I am still breaking even and just a little below my red line, but it’s because all these institutions and indicators of economic health have always been such a mystery to me—a complete and total mystery to me. I actually feel like I’m beginning to see the light. LOL!