The Cost of the Fear of Money

Having been raised with the idea that money is the root of all evil, I realize now as I inch toward my 50th year that the fear of money may in truth be the root of many evils throughout my life and the lives of my children.

Love was suppose to be enough and that was suppose to be the end of that.

As a youth, I started working very young; I was taught and I found it to be true, that hard work could strengthen and heal the mind and body.

I loved work and throughout most of my working life, that is where I’ve found my greatest satisfaction.

So why did I believe that I was suppose to purge work’s monetary compensation, potential and its attendant sense of wellbeing?

Personally, I have never been a spender (although I did allow myself to be manipulated by my ex-husband into a mortgage we could not afford but that's another story regarding another miscalculated value).

I’ve always felt proud about this--thinking perhaps in the back of my mind that I would enter the pearly gates in grander splendor (or some such cockamamie bull).

I have typically responded with a misguided, even smug reaction, when I hear warnings to “excessive” Americans who live beyond their means.

How could I have been so arrogant?

I found a blog today on topics of economics, the topic of which I am sorely lacking.

It’s an uncomplicated posting on economics about the cost of a trip to Washington D.C. The writer is discussing the money he saved to take a trip but the way cost is limiting his options.

How many times have I been unable to do something that was important to my family and me because I didn’t have enough money?

How many times have I felt like an unappreciated martyr for politely saying things like: “oh, that’s okay, we can do without; we didn’t really need that anyway.”

I’m not quite sure how to correct my faulty thinking but as I explore these concepts through the second half of my life, I hope to understand it better so that at least I can leave my children with something.

I may not be able to leave my children with money but I hope they come to see that their economic health was worth my hard work.

I also need to apologize to them now. I have tried to deny failing for a long time but I can not anymore.

I need to ask my children to forgive me because my own fear of money was the root of many of the evils they experienced in their childhood.