Fear wants to cripple me now

Fear that at any moment the earth will disappear beneath my feet and the fear cripples me. Then shock takes over for I’ve never been crippled. In all those years I was able to walk and run as needed and now, why now am I terrified? Why now when it’s all over are my days full of trembling? My partner will not crack my jaw but I fear he’ll shoot me if I take one misstep; every day I fear he really hates me deep down under his smiling face but instead, as if to make fun of my pain, every day he tells me how much he loves me. By noontime I can count on Mr. Boston to help me forget the torture in my mind but in the middle of the night, when the vodka wears off, I wake and wander around the house and weep in fear of nothing.