I’m trying to start a new career today

and I don’t know how to do anything unless I write about it; talk myself into it, so to speak. I’m leaving my lifelong dream behind because after many years and many sacrifices it feels like an unfaithful lover. I was an artist.

Now, I’m going to use my skills and talents to make money in a field that I’m not excited about but can not bear the consequences of poverty. I’m scared, bored and excited all at the same time. (An elderly life as a bag lady is not exciting.) My mind fluctuates as wildly and emotionally as if I was trying to tear myself away from someone I loved so long who did not love me in return.